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[Character Guide] A New Player's Guide to Becoming Mediocre with Geiger

This guide was written by ARMed_PIrate

(Apologies in advance. I enjoyed Hooves’ Gwen guide too much, and I’ve been watching a lot of Regular Show. Also, this is actually how I actually play, for reals.)

Are you a new player? Have you chosen Geiger to main because his spectacles look fiercely intelligent and his facial hair looks fiercely sexy? Do you lose all of your games? Do you want to start losing only 50% to 75% of your games?

If so, this may be the guide for you. Prepare to throw defense to the wind and f k huge balls of cogs.

DISCALMER: Following the instructions in this guide will not make you good with Geiger, except in certain rare circumstances. It will make you awesome with Geiger (and likely mediocre in your win-rate), and it’ll get you an idea of Geiger’s strengths (SCIENCE!!!) and weaknesses (NONE!).

Before we begin, let’s start with two mini-guides: one for new players of Yomi, and one for folks unfamiliar with my patented Gears-Out™ Playstyle.

New Player Mini-Guide: If they didn’t hear you the first time, REPEAT YOURSELF!

A lot of new players try to “play randomly” to throw their opponent off. Unfortunately, they usually think that means changing options each combat (“I attacked last turn, so this turn I should throw, dodge, or block.”) If you were actually playing randomly, you would often play the same option (“throw, throw, throw”) several turns in a row. If you were actually playing randomly with no weighting of more favorable options, an experienced player would beat you down; but you still want to play unpredictably, and doing that also means repeating your options.

Sometimes I like to repeat an option until it hits. If you always do this, your opponent will expect the change-up. So sometimes I like to repeat an option until it hits, then repeat it a few more times to make sure my opponent understands.

Not-ARMed_PIrate Mini-Guide: How to play GEARS-OUT, like ARMed_PIrate

The most fun you can have in Yomi is hurting your opponent. (In fact, the most fun you can have in any fighting game is taunting your opponent, which hurts them on the inside. But since Yomi doesn’t have explicit taunts, hurting your opponent is the best option.)

Unless you are Argagarg Garg, or your opponent is Gwen, blocking does not actively hurt your opponent.
Therefore, blocking is bad, and you should only do it when all other options have deserted you.

(PRO TIP: I hear blocking with Geiger is actually good, because it gets you more cards with which to frighten or destroy your opponent. To this, I say, “Well…sure… If you want to be a pro. But it means you’d have to block. Is that something you’re really comfortable doing in public?”)​

All right. Onto the Geiger Guide. Geid?


Prat 1: Abilities (or, as they’re properly pronounced, “SKILLLZZZZXZDZZ”)

The first thing you’ll notice about Geiger is probably his character ability (or “innate,” as the cool cats call it). When Geiger’s Time Spirals (i.e., his Jacks, Queens, or slow Aces) are blocked, he can follow them up with a throw from his hand, win combat, and continue his combo. (Plus he gets block damage on the original special. To add injury to insult.)

This means that as long as you have throws and Qs/Js in your hand, their blocks and throws lose! This is great for forcing them to play GEARS-OUT, like you do! This ensures a fun match.

Second, you’ll see Geiger’s Temporal Distortion ability on his 4. If you read it a few times you will realize that your eyes are not deceiving you: it really turns all his Time Spirals into clokwerk bananas explosion fun time. However, you should note that it’s only actually great if activated when you have a hand full of Time Spirals and, preferably, 7s. As 7s are Geiger’s fastest throw and most powerful normal, you often want to start a Temporal Distortion (“TD”) combo with a 7 throw, or fill it with 7 attacks (since the Time Spirals won’t take up combo point space). When you gots this set up and successfully activate TD, your opponent will be a-FEARED, and you can use this against them.

Here is where I disappoint you: If you are playing GEARS-OUT, and almost never blocking, you likely will not have a hand full of Time Spirals. So ignore this ability. It is pretty much useless.

(PRO TIP: If you actually do like blocking, apparently lording this ability and impending doom over your opponent is really satisfying, and puts you in a strong position. If you’re willing to block, it could theoretically be considered not useless, and almost as good as it looks.)​

Third, you’ll see Geiger’s Research & Development (“R&D”) ability on his 8. This ability is the hotness, because it lets you dig for awesome cards like Aces, 7s, and Kings (which are the hoooooootttttnesss, with extra o-snaps). Unfortunately, it only lets you dig as far as you have Time Spirals in your discard. For that reason, I recommend playing as many Time Spirals as possible as soon as the game starts, as long as they’re backed up by throws.

(PRO TIP: If you’re a blocker (wuss) and want to TD later, maybe save some Jacks. Or not. TD gets one back from discard anyway.)​

Do not just lob Time Spirals at people who don’t need to block, like Sets, Zane, or Ace DeGrey. They will hand you your meticulously tailored pants and clean your clock-watch. “But A_P!” no one asks; “How do I get Time Spirals into my discard in that situation?” No problem. Just use them to follow up a dodge or thow, and they’ll be right in the discard where they belong, ready to fuel a big R&D.


I will now list and discuss Geiger’s crads in order of hotness/importance:

  • Ace - This is the most important card in Geiger’s deck. Because it’s the best Time Spiral? No. Because of Cycloid Revolution (A.K.A. “Cog f ker does not need assistance.”). Cycloid Revolution is 0.0 speed, which means it beats or trades (and generally trades well) with all other attacks. And it beats all throws. It beats face. It can do 40 damage, it does at least 20 on hit, and if it whiffs you only lose 2 of them (unlike Zane’s Maximum Anarchy). You want at least 2 of them at a time, 'cause you can’t f k huge balls of cogs with only one cog.

The other side of this Ace is lame, because it’s a depressingly slow 2.0 speed. Ignore it.
(PRO TIP: If you actually use TD, then the Time Spiral Hurricane Ace is awesome, both as a relatively safe starter, and to fill out your bananas spiral explosion pie with big big damage. In TD, they’re 0-combo point linkers, so you can throw out two Hurricanes in one combo!)​

You always want to have at least 2 Aces in hand. Always. POWER UP!

  • Joker - When you Gold Burst, this gets you two Aces! That’s exactly what you wanted for Geigermas! You should do that!

(PRO TIP: Some characters can do big, damaging combos to you? If they start one, you could consider putting down a Joker face-down to prevent the rest.)​

  • King - This Flashgear jackknife surprise hello flipkick is your best friend who doesn’t visit often enough. I play these as soon as I draw them, every time. They will hit surprisingly often for a quick 10 damage (at least a 10th of your opponent’s life!) and Knock them Down on their ass. When they’re Knocked Down (“KD’d”) they can’t dodge. When they can’t dodge they might block, which loses to throw and Time Spirals and half of your normals! Or they might attack, which loses to your dodge and your Aces! Huzzah!
    The best thing about the King is it’s 0.2 speed. Most of the stuff your Ace will beat, this will beat too. It is a Rick-rollicking good time.

(PRO TIP: A lot of folks call fast attacks like this “DPs,” which stands for “Donkey Punches,” which is a terrible thing to do to a person. But they usually mean “Dragon Punches,” which is Street Fighter slang for a “a fast attack that beats most other attacks.” Usually found on Queens, these are considered the “safe” option to do when KD’d, because they beat almost all of the opponent’s attacks and throws, especially their mix-up normals. For this reason, “good” players might hang onto a King or two in case they get KD’d themselves.)​

  • 4 - “Oh right!” you say. “Temporal Distortion! But I thought you said that was useless!” It is! But this card also has a NAMED THROW on it, called SUPPLEX OF SCIENCE! “Is this throw really good?” Not really. It’s kinda slow. “Is it at least awesome?” YES! It does 9 damage and Knocks them Down and is called SUPPLEX OF SCIENCE! (Or SoS!) And they think you’ll be saving these for TD, so they’ll never expect it! Hitting with this throw and shouting “SCIENCE!!!” is one of the closest things this game has to a taunt, which, as I mentioned earlier, is the most fun you can have in a fighting game.

(Other taunt-like moves include Vendetta’s Wall Dive Supplex played when the opponent is standing up looking you in the eye, DeGrey’s Pilebunker played naked like a supreme court justice, Rook’s Checkmate Buster, and Zane’s Maximum Anarchy, because they are the most GEARS-OUT moves you can do. However, those moves are all less taunt-like than this one, because they either do a lot more damage or set up their character in ways SoS does not.)

Never dodge with your 4 unless you have several in hand. When you do dodge with your 4, you should follow up with a Supplex of Science. The data demines it.

(PRO TIP: Seriously, you probably shouldn’t listen to me. Building up for TD is apparently effective.)​

  • 7 - As mentioned earlier, this is Geiger’s fastest throw, and should almost always be used as such. On occasion, it can also be used to fill out a deadly TD combo. On occasion, it can also end a 567 normal straight, which will fetch an Ace for huge-ball-of-cog-f king goodness.

(PRO TIP: Good players will actually agree with this!)​

  • Jack - This card is faster than the Queen, and that makes it better! It does more damage and that makes it better! Throw these before you throw Queens, when you think they’ll throw or block. Or whenever! As long as they get to the discard, right? Don’t throw this when you don’t have a throw, or it will lose to block, which is the worst way to lose.

(PRO TIP: They’re best during TD, when they’re Linkers. They’re Enders otherwise, which limits your damage. Consider saving a couple until later. Also, against several characters, e.g. Setsuki, they’re still really slow.)​

  • 8 - As mentioned earlier, this is primarily used for its ability, to fetch any of the above. If you have several, or if you’re short on throws, it can be a throw, too.

(PRO TIP: R&D can be used to dig for anything you’re short on, to keep your options open: throws, dodges, blocks, the 6 you need to fill out your straight, whatever, as long it’s close to the top of your deck. If you have multiple crazy 8s, and just used one for R&D, the second can be used as a half-decent throw, or to follow up a blocked Time Spiral if you don’t have 9s or 10s, or it can be used to block and draw more of the stuff you stacked on top of your deck.)​

  • Queen - This card is slower than the Jack, and slower than a lot of folks’ 2s and even 3s. That makes it crap unless you think they will throw or block. As with Jack, don’t throw it unless you have a throw to back it up with. If it does hit (by some miracle), ideally follow it up with something that hurts more, like a 567 straight.

(PRO TIP: Since these link into other things, they’re probably better to use in early-game combos, especially against grapplers, than the Jacks. Jacks are better in TD, or against non-grapplers.)​

  • 2 and 3 - These have dodges on them, so when you want to dodge, these are where you turn. They’re also okay to power up with for sweet cog-f king Revolutions. Additionally, if you’re out of special face cards and you don’t want to throw, these are pretty fast, which makes them your best options for going GEARS-OUT.

  • 5 and 6 - These are primarily used to power up with. If they’re not getting you Aces as straights, they sure as shenanigans better be getting you Aces the other way. (If it’s not faster than 0.3 speed, it’s crap!) If you really want to attack with these, do it when you think they will throw, or when they’re KD’d. Or when it’s the only card in your hand because you never block and you overextended 5 turns ago.

(PRO TIP: These cards have blocks on them. If you must block, which is apparently really good, this is one way to do so.)​

  • 9 and 10 - These cards are your slowest, crappiest throws. Mostly you will use them to follow up your Time Spirals. If you have lots of them, use them to power up for Aces.

(PRO TIP: These cards have blocks on them. If you must block, which is apparently really good, this is another way to do so.)​


Try to make a good guess as to what your opponent will play. Occasionally consider what they probably think you should play. (They often will assume you are sane and boring and don’t play with your GEARS OUT and TO THE WALL.) Play the thing that beats what they will play.

I like to play Attack about 70% of the time, Throw 10% of the time, Dodge 15% of the time, and Joker 15% of the time. True facts.

(PRO TIP: Other folks call percentage break-downs like this a “Range.” In fact, they would call ones like this “stupid ranges that will get you murdered” or “ranges that makes no sense, because percentages must always add up to exactly 100%.” They will likely also change their ranges to account for specific situations.

Other guides can give you ideas of good general ranges and ranges for specific situations. They will likely involve blocking some non-zero amount, though, so be warned.)​

If you’re really playing GEARS-OUT, you will play a bluff card on roughly 50% of your lost combats. DO NOT STOP when both of your Jokers are in discard. You might get an opponent who is too lazy to check and gets psyched out. It’s hilarious.

For bonus points, bluff with Aces, then hit them on the next combat with other Aces. Or power up for the one you just bluffed with. Or bluff with a 4, then play a 4 to activate TD, then play a third 4 in combat as a throw. For utility, bluff with Queens and Jacks to get them into discard to fuel your A/K-fetching 8s.

And that’s really all you need to know to play GEARS-OUT AGGROGEIG GEIG at an AWESOMELY MEDIOCRE level. Now get out there and f k cogs in people’s faces until they get dangerously uncomfortable and call the authorities!

This guide was written by ARMed_PIrate