Hello again, insignificant humans! It is I, GUNDHAM TANAKA, master of all realms, here to wreak cataclysmic destruction on your hopes of winning this temporal tournament!
However, I must say I’m feeling a little insulted at this point. My first opponent was just a frog, but this time, I was asked to do battle with a mere truck pump! (@bob199)
But, duty is duty. Besides, when everyone is so lowly compared your own greatness, is there really any difference between insignificant humans and inanimate objects?
So, I agreed to meet my opponent, and we began our battle. The pump decided to begin by sending a beast to hunt me down.
Truly, he had no idea his opponent was the one and only Gundham Tanaka, Super High School Level Breeder! Taming the hulking, bulking barbarian was mere child’s play for one such as I!
Unfortunately, I did not realize just how crafty, and just how depraved, the pump truly was. When it saw that no fauna on earth could approach my skill, he summoned the avatar of darkness, the incarnation of evil, the embodiment of earthly sin herself.
I fought back. It was a terrifying clash that threatened to tear the world asunder, like the unyielding duel between angel and devil! Though I managed to maintain an upper hand at first, she used the darkest magics to kick me down.
For a moment, I feared all was lost…
Just kidding! Did you truly think even one as terrible as she could compete with the godly greatness that is I? Never!
Instead, I channeled all my training and struck back with a ninja’s surgical skill!
The pump was truly fearing for its sinful life at this point. While I commend the pump's endless drive to survive, I could not afford to show mercy.
As I approached it to end this meaningless charade, it revealed its true, draconian form! Unfortunately for it, dragons are among the lowest order of beasts I have dealt with.
And with that, another puny existence ends.
I hope I’ve made my power clear enough at this point. All of you can concede right now and award the tournament title to me. It’ll just save everyone a lot of time.
Normal Match Summary
Zqxx v @Bob199
I must say that I was nervous for this match, and when he counter-picked with Gloria, I may or may not have been audibly cursing out Gloria's very existence for the entirety of those two games. The unexpected win in the first Gloria game was, at least, cathartic.
Also, I continue to feel bad for resorting to Setsuki, but... #playtowin.